Skip to main content

Summer Between 9th and 10th Grade

Well Ewen was off all meds since Christmas...no Zithromax or Prozac. I gave him vitamins and more recently I started giving him a vitamin by Xymogen called, Mood Food. It has GABA and 5HTP in it, and some B vitamins. I also give him B1 (Thiamine) and probiotics.

Just a few days ago he started back on Zithromax again. He has been super angry and unusual. It reminded me of the week before he started his panic attacks when he was 10. So his pediatrician said to do another round and see if that helped. It did and he is less angry these past two days and even apologized out of the blue for being so angry. He realized he needed to take it and I had him talk to is pediatrician on the phone about it. We did a phone appointment because of COVID.

A few months ago he has blood work done and he still has low immune levels. I was disappointed in that finding as I had hoped that puberty got rid of his autoimmune issues.

It is very strange being a mom to a 15-year-old. Ewen basically has decided that it is NOT cool to hang out with me anymore and for a while he was saying no to every suggestion. I suppose that is normal for a 15-year-old but I miss him. It is hard to be able to know how he is doing when he doesn’t talk to me anymore. Thankfully he will talk to our pediatrician, but he always tells everyone that things are OK no matter what. So I am also glad she is able to dig a bit deeper and see if things really are OK or if they are starting to get out of control again.

I remember when he was 10, sitting in the therapists room with two therapists who were asking him questions about his fears. One question they asked was, “Do you think ISIS might come in that door right now and kill you?”
His answer was, “yes”.

I think about how I knew he had irrational fears, but I did I not know that. I did not know that he lived in constant fear that some terrorist group was going to kill him any minute. So now I live with a lot of hope that he doesn’t have that anymore. When I check in with him now, he gets angry. So I can’t gauge anything. My husband said that 15-year-olds are dealing with lots of testosterone and what is happening is normal. But it is foreign territory for me. He has always be so trusting and sweet to his mama that it is really hard for me. But I am giving him his space and just looking from afar. And if anything looks really off, I will take him to the doctor. But for now he made straight A’s this last quarter, even though it was at home because of COVID. He plays his online video games with his friends and is learning to drive and that is about it. I think the new round of Zithromax is a good idea, and I think things overall, are good. I still worry. But it is a different level of worry than when he was crashing at age 10. My current worries are accompanied by the fact that we have a good pediatrician, I am a part of a PANS Veterans Facebook group that has amazing ideas on how to help these kids, and I know how to assemble a team again for him, should he ever need it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Still Chugging Along

It has been almost a month now since the terrible effects of the prednisone.   This morning I gave 50 mg hydroxyzine and 500mg of phenibut and she still said she wasn't feeling great at 11:30am. So I gave her 3 droppers of Valerian Calm, which seems to offer a small boost of happiness sometimes.   I stopped her 5HTP and replaced it with 10mg of fluoxatine. But yesterday she said she was having a hard time peeing. So if that happens again we will have to re-evaluate.   After she is comfortable on an SSRI I want to start the minocycline antibiotic, but I don't want to do that until I get her SSRI support up incase the antibiotic makes her feel worse I read minocylcine can have negative psychiatric effects for some people). I have maxed out her supports with the phenibut and the hydroxyzine and have nothing left to give if the minocycline does something weird neurological too.  So to support myself, I took 20mg of fluoxatine (prozac) last night and feel w...

Today's Basics and a Few Blessings

(Fish oil, probiotics, 4ml prozac, melatonin) Ewen did better today than the past two. He was just a little twitchy going to sleep and was able to hang out at Starbucks this afternoon without begging for a screen to look at. I told him I thought he had lost the ability to entertain himself so he said he was going to try. I told him last night that to go to sleep you have to be calm and let yourself think and then fall asleep. I said to make sure to keep Trash (what he calls his anxiety and OCD) out of it and he agreed. He still needs me to sit in there every night while he falls asleep. So I sit in his bean bag and play Clash Royal on my phone. Today he did well overall I think. I also wonder if it is because we are on the 3rd day after taking 500mg of Zithromax? He was huffing a bit today though, but not all day long and mostly when he was playing video games on his computer. I am still taking Prozac too and it makes me very sleepy. I could sleep all day. It is very hard to get ou...

Out of the Hole

( 4ml Prozac, fish oil, 1/2 magnesium, probiotics, 1mg melatonin) Today Ewen went to a birthday party a couple of hours from home and had a lot of fun. He hung out with his dad a lot today which is what he used to do before he got sick. When he got sick he completely switched from Mike to needing me 24/7. He was not interested in hanging out with Mike. Daddy was all about watching soccer, playing soccer, enjoying everything that Ewen was good at and going out and having fun. Mommy was there to make sure he was feeling OK. So he switched from Mike to me. I realized this morning as Mike got up early to get Ewen's soccer stuff together and go to the store to get a present for the party, that he was taking over his old role as Ewen's care taker. I like that because Ewen has to be so active all the time that I don't have time to spend with the girls. So if Mike focusses on Ewen with his crazy social life and activities, I can focus on the girls and everything else. It was re...