(4ML's Prozac at 4pm and 1/4 of a .1 tablet of Clonidine at 8pm)
Today Ewen was very tired in the morning and could barely get up. But he did and he made it to his soccer game and he scored two goals, but Mike thought he seemed really bummed on the bench between plays. Ewen is always finding it urgent to stay occupied and it seems like his anxiety was back a bit today although when you ask him how he is feeling he says a routine, "good". And I don't know if I believe him. His huffing was less this morning too and I thought that the Clonidine must be working on that too. He was back to full huffing tonight though and so we gave him the Clonidine at 8pm. He went to sleep by 9:45 which is good for him, but not as easily or comfortably as he did last night with the same dosage of Clonidine.
Mike and I talked about how Ewen is alway coping and alway seems a little bit manic about things. He wasn't like that before December 15th of 2015 when he got his first panic attack. I hate having him on these meds. I feel like I will never rest properly again or be happy again until he is back to feeling comfortable without taking a med that gives him tics and a med that takes them away. If he was calm and happy, then all these meds would seem OK. But he's not calm and happy and Mike and I don't know if we should just up the dose of prozac to the therapeutic dose of 5ml's instead of this 4. But we feel like we can't because of the tics. But if the Clonidine, at its proper dose can take care of the tics then maybe we could. But we can't bare to push it. If his body is saying no, then we have to listen.
I don't like that he is taking a med that might make him depressed. All of this just sucks.
I am going to switch off the worry now and go to sleep. I have pretty much trained myself to stop thinking about it when I have to go to sleep and I don't feel guilty about it either. Endless worry is useless.
Goodnight, and one day I hope I am writing good things in here again.
Today Ewen was very tired in the morning and could barely get up. But he did and he made it to his soccer game and he scored two goals, but Mike thought he seemed really bummed on the bench between plays. Ewen is always finding it urgent to stay occupied and it seems like his anxiety was back a bit today although when you ask him how he is feeling he says a routine, "good". And I don't know if I believe him. His huffing was less this morning too and I thought that the Clonidine must be working on that too. He was back to full huffing tonight though and so we gave him the Clonidine at 8pm. He went to sleep by 9:45 which is good for him, but not as easily or comfortably as he did last night with the same dosage of Clonidine.
Mike and I talked about how Ewen is alway coping and alway seems a little bit manic about things. He wasn't like that before December 15th of 2015 when he got his first panic attack. I hate having him on these meds. I feel like I will never rest properly again or be happy again until he is back to feeling comfortable without taking a med that gives him tics and a med that takes them away. If he was calm and happy, then all these meds would seem OK. But he's not calm and happy and Mike and I don't know if we should just up the dose of prozac to the therapeutic dose of 5ml's instead of this 4. But we feel like we can't because of the tics. But if the Clonidine, at its proper dose can take care of the tics then maybe we could. But we can't bare to push it. If his body is saying no, then we have to listen.
I don't like that he is taking a med that might make him depressed. All of this just sucks.
I am going to switch off the worry now and go to sleep. I have pretty much trained myself to stop thinking about it when I have to go to sleep and I don't feel guilty about it either. Endless worry is useless.
Goodnight, and one day I hope I am writing good things in here again.
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