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(4.5 ml Prozac, 5:30 pm...due to soccer game and 1/4 Clonidine 8:30 pm due to soccer game)

It is 1:10 am and I just got finished watching The Shawshank Redemption on Netflix, on my iPhone 6+.  I used my 7-year-old orange and pink headphones that don't go very loud on purpose as they are made for children. So I had it turned up all the way for a normal volume.

The last time I saw that movie was when I was in my early 20's, in my apartment near by the Art School of my University. I watched it with my old boyfriend. It's funny the things you remember. It sounds like Mike is up. He fell asleep on the couch tonight in front of the TV while I was putting the kids to bed. It took a while to get Ewen to sleep. I probably need to start giving Ewen 1/2 a Clonidine soon, which is actually what his Dr. prescribed.

He had a good weekend. His huffing is still there but not as intense or as often. His other tics seem to be gone except for a night when he still swishes saliva around his mouth before he goes to sleep. I massage his feet and sometimes his back and that puts him past his twitching and puts him to sleep. Before the Clonidine a massage wasn't enough, he would still take over an hour to fall asleep and toss and turn and twitch and jerk.

Now things seem happier during the day and calmer in the evening. He had a soccer game 2.5 hours away yesterday and Mike said he did fine carpooling on the way there, playing the game, hanging out afterwards and then driving back. He was in good spirits when he got back. Same with today, and his game was over an hour away. He was happy and OK. I love seeing sparks of joy in him.

Tonight though as he was falling asleep he said with disappointment that he forgot about school tomorrow. I see his apprehension and feel sorry for him. The big deal kid in his class doesn't like him. Ewen is competition I think. He is the smartest kid in the class and he carpools with "big deal's" girl friend...whatever that means in 5th grade.  Ewen is also cute and athletic, but not an asshole. He also won't fight with assholes so he's letting "big deal" be the asshole he is. I saw Ewen go to get a frizbee in PE and when he went to pick it up off the ground, Big Deal kicked it just out of his reach and he had to go a few more steps to pick it up.  It's fine when your friends mess with you like that, but not your nemesis.

So I hope his day is OK tomorrow. He is more optimistic the past couple of days, more like how he was before all of this. Since Ewen has been happy this weekend, I have been feeling good enough to clean the house. I did every stitch of laundry, went grocery shopping at Trader Joes and bought some beautiful spring flowers for the outside plant pots and some cut daffodils for inside. I hope Ewen has joy in the morning. I'll have to get myself out of bed some how to take him and his friend to school.  I think I can go to sleep now. The Effexor didn't work out for me by the way. It kept me from sleeping...at all, not even napping to try and catch up and two days and nights with not a stitch of sleep wasn't working for me. It also made me nauseous and loopy and one day, really depressed. I almost had a panic attack one night. So now, without it I'm feeling much better. I'm so happy not to have that Effexor in my system that I can function better than ever.

OK, goodnight. I hope there are more positive posts coming.


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