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Wednesday - Better Today

(4.25 ml prozac at 4pm, 1/4 clonodine at 8:20pm)

Monday was bad. Ewen was surly and dissatisfied with everything. He was exhausted from the clonodine and refused to go to soccer practice. He said he couldn't deal with the pressure of conditioning while he felt like this. I said OK but Mike was really upset about it, that medicine would be making it so that Ewen didn't want to go to soccer practice. I said that we had to trust Ewen to know his own body and how it feels and what he needs. I'm glad I said that because today Ewen was not tired, was in a much better mood and was totally fine with going to soccer practice. I'm glad we didn't force him to go when he was too tired from the medicine and make him hate soccer and hate us for making him do something when that he needed to have a rest from while his body adjusted to the weird changes that the medicine is putting him through.

I emailed his Psychiatrist and he said that we need to give this medicine some time and the golden question about both the prozac and the clonidine is, does he feel better with or without it?

So with that in mind, we are going to ride it out for longer, and I was happy to see him doing better today.  I'm so glad he doesn't seem to be depressed from it today. We are giving him such a very small amount of clonidine, but it is achieving what we want, which is to calm down his night tics and the weirdest of body tics. It has done that. He is still huffing during the day but his whole body is calmer and that is enough. I don't want him to be on a larger dose if possible because it brings down the blood pressure and Ewen plays soccer to such an intense degree for such a long time (2 hour practices 2x a week then 2 games a weekend) that he needs to not have his blood pressure doing weird things. 

Yesterday his teacher Facebook messaged me (during the school day) and said that Ewen asked a classmate how much $ they would give him if he dumped his apple sauce on the kid they didn't like. Then he actually did it.
He got in trouble and had to apologize and clean up the mess. But I was in shock because Ewen is not that type of kid. It is probably because of the Vine videos he has been watching or youtube or something. So when I picked him up early yesterday to take him to CBT, I talked about "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". I told him it was the golden rule and that I wanted him to live by it. I said that if was ever confused if he should do something or not, to think of the golden rule.  He promised me he would. He was really embarrassed about the whole thing and said that after he did it, he realized immediately what a bad idea it was and didn't know why he did it. So he was so embarrassed about it that when I brought it up with his therapist he was crawling out of his seat with misery. He told me I wasn't allowed to tell her what he did. Apparently though he told her himself after I left the room, which is good.  I might need to talk to the kid's parents and apologize or something. I would be angry if someone did that to Ewen at school. We have a teacher conference on Friday so I will ask her then what I should do.

On a personal note, I took Effexor today for the first time. My psychiatrist said that the starting dose is like taking a sugar pill for most people, but of course it wasn't for me.  An hour after taking it I had to take a nap (thank goodness I work from home). Then I weirdly got goosebumps randomly all day long...what the hell is this stuff doing to my brain to make that happen? Then I didn't eat lunch and then later on in the afternoon ended up being so insanely nauseous that I had to go to bed and call my mom to drive over and make me some toast so that I could get past it. The toast helped, but it felt just like when I was pregnant. My stomach didn't hurt but the nausea was sitting there in my throat and I had to clench my teeth to keep from vomiting...so weird, but not painful. Also, when I yawn (like right now) it feels really weird after. I remember that happening with Zoloft too back in the day. But since the Effexor didn't do anything today to make me feel mentally freaked out, I decided to take it again tomorrow. I'll just make sure I eat during the day. Today felt good though because Ewen was happy finally, and I had some hope that I might feel good again soon. Maybe I will be able to go to NY to visit my sister and actually enjoy myself and not just be worried the whole time. That would be awesome. 


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