10-Year-Old with Panic (PANS)

(first night at 5ml's of prozac, went up from 3ml's) When I apologetically mentioned to Amira's tutor that I find my moods tend to be dictated by how my children are doing these days, she told me that was to be expected and that I was too hard on myself and gosh she'd like to send me to Hawaii for a vacation. Her house is near our's. I love that we can walk there and her living room is like an oasis. There is no great wealth in her living room. There is a stylish and comfy couch with some bright cushions. Her windows are the old kind but they are huge. She opens them up and they let in golden morning light and the sheer curtains blow gently in the breeze. She always has one candle burning so when we walk in and put Amira's books down take our shoes off and take off our coats, something smells really good. She plays a Pandora station of music that is both soothing and uplifting. I'm so glad that Amira gets to go there for a few hours of the day. She ...

It's interesting because we have had a day much free of huffing. It has been really nice to have him just be chill and himself. But now, at 3:30 he is starting to huff a bit again. This morning Ewen went with his sister over to the tutor's house. She has a lovely small house with a living room that is full of the morning sun and this morning the air had a lovely breeze coming through her windows. Ewen brought his book and he told me later that her living room was the best place in the world for reading a book. It was fantastic to have a couple of hours to work and not feel bad because I'm not hands on homeschooling him. When he came home at lunch time we went for a bike ride around the historic neighborhood nearby. Then I called DH and he and Ewen rode downtown and ate lunch at a restaurant. Then he rode Ewen home afterwards. At home he went to his computer to watch Agar.io videos for half an hour for his lunch break. And when he came out of his room he looked a bit...

Kid #1 - Ewen (age 11) Today he is on 6.5 weeks of Prozac and although he has come extremely far, he is not back to his best and still huffs all the time and is not able to find peace when he takes a break from being distracted by something he is very interested in. He said he feels awful when he just sits there without something taking up his brain power. We sat on is bed today and talked after I booted him off his computer. He seemed to me that he was experiencing terrible discomfort and anguish. He is supposed to shadow at a local private school next thursday, but he couldn't even come with me today to a reading group I used to volunteer at helping kids. He was a mess today. I'm wondering if the Prozac just isn't right for him, or perhaps we need to get to 8 weeks? I think now about Buspar and what if I was allowed to have him put on that in the beginning of all this mess like I asked and practically begged (because it helps me for anxiety), if he would be doing ...

We are in the middle of Ewen's 6th week on Prozac. We have been waiting so long for this, for the promise of some relief at 6-8 weeks on the stuff. He's definitely doing better but there are still problems. He still feels what he calls "blegh" but that might be from the propranolol. The other day at the park he wanted to go home because he was anxious. But  yesterday on Saturday, his 11th birthday, he had two soccer games an hour and a half out of town and DH said he did fine. He said he didn't play that great but he was in ok spirits and was happy coming home. Then on Saturday, two friends came over after the games and had birthday cake with him. One stayed over last night and today there were 4 kids at the house and the boys rode bikes from our house to the neighbor friend's house, back and forth throughout the day. There is nothing more therapeutic than having friends to hang out with. He played basketball over there, and over here they all played Agar.i...

Not so great today...Ewen woke feeling depressed and he was huffing a lot. He had to come with me to drop his sister off at his old school, as she still attends school there On the way back I asked if his wiggly leg thing was better and he said no. I asked what it felt like and he told me that he has to keep tightening his muscle in his leg over and over and over and over again and can't stop. If he does he said it is like torture. So I don't know if this side effect (I think it is a side effect because he never had this before) is worth it. I told him we would give it two more weeks and if he was still dealing with this we would go off it or change the medicine. He said he wanted to stay on the Prozac until it worked and I thought to myself...he thinks it's not working? All day today he has been huffing. We had to leave the park on our bikes this afternoon because he said he was feeling anxious...which hasn't happened in a very long time. So when we got home I m...

Ewen has always loved swimming and was so excited when my parents bought a house with a pool in the back yard last year. But when he got sick in December he became afraid that he would drown in the pool. Over Christmas my parents had it heated to 80 degrees and my sister who was visiting from NY and her family, swam every day. But Ewen hid away in the computer room and didn't go anywhere near it. Today was the last day of the intensive CBT therapy. He is going to continue with CBT one or twice a week indefinitely. But today was his "graduation" so the final challenge was to swim in Grandma and Grandpa's pool. They got it heated up to 76 degrees which is still a bit cold. Katie and Matt met us at my parent's house and Katie jumped right in the pool first. Then Ewen had to jump in next. He was not excited about it, and when he did jump in he swam just fine across the pool but he was freezing and wanted to get out.  So they eventually got out and then he played ...

We are on week 5 of Prozac. Ewen is out of his dark hole but he still can't sit even remotely still and relax if his mind isn't fully occupied with something very stimulating like video games or something of his choice. He does well on bike rides and hanging out with friends. He goes on the trampoline and he can play soccer and go to 2-hour practice again. He is still wiped out emotionally afterwards but enjoys it while he plays which is a HUGE, massive improvement from avoiding soccer practice at all costs and telling me he is going to quit next season because he just doesn't enjoy it anymore. Yesterday, Valentines day, I gave him and his (almost) 13-year-old sister a joint birthday party/ Valentines Day party and we rented a tent and a dance floor for the back yard. DH got an iTunes DJ app and set up the stereo outside. He synched up some play lists the kids put together with the app and we had a full on dance party with all of Ewen's friends and his sister...