We are in the middle of Ewen's 6th week on Prozac. We have been waiting so long for this, for the promise of some relief at 6-8 weeks on the stuff. He's definitely doing better but there are still problems. He still feels what he calls "blegh" but that might be from the propranolol. The other day at the park he wanted to go home because he was anxious. But yesterday on Saturday, his 11th birthday, he had two soccer games an hour and a half out of town and DH said he did fine. He said he didn't play that great but he was in ok spirits and was happy coming home. Then on Saturday, two friends came over after the games and had birthday cake with him. One stayed over last night and today there were 4 kids at the house and the boys rode bikes from our house to the neighbor friend's house, back and forth throughout the day. There is nothing more therapeutic than having friends to hang out with. He played basketball over there, and over here they all played Agar.io and Ewen also Skyped with some kids in Vermont on Agar.io so it was quite the social day, which is fantastic for him since he is homeschooled. Yesterday he barely did any huffing which was amazing. But today he was back to huffing...not quite as much though. I never asked him about his wiggly leg. I just let him enjoy his day. I brought him his medicine (propranolol and inositol) at the usual times throughout the day (9am, 12:30pm 4pm and 7:30pm) but cut back a little on the propranolol again.
I think he is getting better. I hope the huffing and the wiggly leg resolves itself. I hope that he can shadow at the local private school that he went to in Kindergarten and that his sister went to as well. I would like to be able to get back to work during the day and catch up on all of my editing. I would like for him to be in a stimulating and fun school environment.
Something else that has been happening is that his sister is now coming apart at the seams. She will be 13 in a few days and she says it hormones and maybe she is right, but she cries every day, a few times a day. She has high functioning autism and has always struggled with anxiety. But because she has had it for so long she has also developed some great coping skills so I hoped those could get her through the ups and downs of hormones. But I am starting to think now that I can't neglect her just because we have another child dealing with a mental health emergency. I said to DH today that I can't believe we have such complicated children. He pointed out that most children are complicated and maybe we are just pretty diligent in keeping them happy. I told him that I didn't cry every day and night when I was 12 turning 13. I was sad sometimes and confused often. That was my hardest age. But our daughter is in pretty rough shape, much worse than I was at her age. Her pediatrician prescribed Buspar which addresses anxiety and was shown in a study to help kids with autism. But it doesn't help with depression. Today was her first day of Buspar. That is actually what I take for my anxiety and it works really well for me. So I hope it does the same for her.
I am going to research finding some yoga and mindfulness classes. I think that would be huge for us all to do. The more I read about mental health, the more I see about the benefits of yoga and mindfulness.
Thank goodness our six-year-old is doing awesome. She is excelling in school and is happy. Today DH helped her relearn how to ride her bike. She had been neglected for so long (with us dealing with the older two) that she forgot how to ride her bike with no training wheels. But today was a gorgeous sunny day and so DH spent most of the day with her outside while she relearned riding her bike and she actually did much better than the first time she learned. Today she figured out how to get going on her own and turn and even break and stop without falling over.
I just want my kids to be comfortable. I don't expect them to be happy all the time or even most of the time. I just want them to be OK and not depressed or anxious. I want to be able to go on hikes and bike rides with all of them and not have someone be too upset to go. I want to be able to take them all to Trader Joe's and have it be a trip where no one freaks out. My oldest could barely hold herself together at Walmart yesterday. That is when I realized I needed to start giving her the Buspar.
Wish us luck.
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