Skip to main content

Based Out of Love

(first night at 5ml's of prozac, went up from 3ml's)


When I apologetically mentioned to Amira's tutor that I find my moods tend to be dictated by how my children are doing these days, she told me that was to be expected and that I was too hard on myself and gosh she'd like to send me to Hawaii for a vacation.

Her house is near our's. I love that we can walk there and her living room is like an oasis. There is no great wealth in her living room. There is a stylish and comfy couch with some bright cushions. Her windows are the old kind but they are huge. She opens them up and they let in golden morning light and the sheer curtains blow gently in the breeze. She always has one candle burning so when we walk in and put Amira's books down take our shoes off and take off our coats, something smells really good. She plays a Pandora station of music that is both soothing and uplifting. I'm so glad that Amira gets to go there for a few hours of the day. She does a tiny bit of math and spends most of the day reading books and writing stories. It is pretty much the perfect situation for a her, although a little more social interaction with her peer group would be a good thing. She didn't do as well today emotionally as she has been and I was disappointed that her Buspar isn't actually the magic bullet. She didn't cry tonight but she had a couple of moments of putting her head down in despair today and that hadn't happened after taking the Buspar until today. It is still better though.

Ewen had a crummy day too. He woke up feeling crummy and he was anxious all day. I didn't really know what to do because this far in to the Prozac he shouldn't really been dealing with anxiety so much anymore...he was saying he was getting the symptoms of the racing heart and not being able to take a full breath. So tonight I gave him a bit more propranolol than usual and that seemed to help him. We also gave him the full 5 ML's of prozac tonight instead of 3. We jumped him right up to the 20mgs that his Dr wants him to be on. I thought that maybe it would finally tackle the anxiety if he was on this dose. Hopefully this dose will help him and not be further indication that his body doesn't like this medicine.

He wanted to try going up to 5ml's too. I asked him if he wanted to and told him he might feel really crappy tomorrow. He gave the thumbs up and took it happily. He wants to feel better too. He trusts us. We are always trying to make the right decision based on facts and figures and what we believe to be in his best interest. But when I am feeling worried about making the wrong decision or maybe I should have done something else...I think to myself, every decision I ever made for him was based out of love. So even if in hindsight it turned out to not be the best one, at lease I know that it was based on something good, pure and real, and the strongest tool we have as a parent.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Out of the Hole

( 4ml Prozac, fish oil, 1/2 magnesium, probiotics, 1mg melatonin) Today Ewen went to a birthday party a couple of hours from home and had a lot of fun. He hung out with his dad a lot today which is what he used to do before he got sick. When he got sick he completely switched from Mike to needing me 24/7. He was not interested in hanging out with Mike. Daddy was all about watching soccer, playing soccer, enjoying everything that Ewen was good at and going out and having fun. Mommy was there to make sure he was feeling OK. So he switched from Mike to me. I realized this morning as Mike got up early to get Ewen's soccer stuff together and go to the store to get a present for the party, that he was taking over his old role as Ewen's care taker. I like that because Ewen has to be so active all the time that I don't have time to spend with the girls. So if Mike focusses on Ewen with his crazy social life and activities, I can focus on the girls and everything else. It was re...
Post a Comment
Read more

Friday, Day 5 Antibiotics - Another Good "Really Fun" Day

(7:45am probiotics, 4pm 4ml Prozac, 1 Zithromax, 8pm Clonodine-a very tiny 1/4, and probiotics) This morning we left the house early so we could go to Starbucks and get some hot chocolate before school. Ewen's carpool buddy liked that too. Ewen was in good spirits, then when we got to school I walked in the classroom with him to help him carry his stuff. One of his classmates said, "Ewen, do you have your book report?" Ewen: "When is is due?" Classmate: "Today!" So I went to his teacher and apologized that he hadn't done his book report and that he would do it this weekend. I thought about how we have a wedding all day on Saturday and he has an out of town game on Saturday, then another out of town game on Sunday. But I told her we would get it done. She said he could turn it in next Friday. He will have to get up in front of the class and present it so it is a big deal book report. He has been so spacy, filled with procrastination and avoi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Still Chugging Along

It has been almost a month now since the terrible effects of the prednisone.   This morning I gave 50 mg hydroxyzine and 500mg of phenibut and she still said she wasn't feeling great at 11:30am. So I gave her 3 droppers of Valerian Calm, which seems to offer a small boost of happiness sometimes.   I stopped her 5HTP and replaced it with 10mg of fluoxatine. But yesterday she said she was having a hard time peeing. So if that happens again we will have to re-evaluate.   After she is comfortable on an SSRI I want to start the minocycline antibiotic, but I don't want to do that until I get her SSRI support up incase the antibiotic makes her feel worse I read minocylcine can have negative psychiatric effects for some people). I have maxed out her supports with the phenibut and the hydroxyzine and have nothing left to give if the minocycline does something weird neurological too.  So to support myself, I took 20mg of fluoxatine (prozac) last night and feel w...
Post a Comment
Read more