(4ml prozac 4pm, 250mg Zithromax 4pm, probiotics and magnesium 7pm)
So Friday morning at 10am we sat down in one of the rows of white chairs in the pretty courtyard of Ewen's school. The flowers were blooming everywhere and the weather was perfect. We were getting ready to watch Ewen's 5th grade graduation ceremony at his little private school that my parents were able to help send him to for the last couple of months of this school year. He still has 3 days of school left next week but they are pretty much gong to be "fun" days. After his graduation ceremony in the mid morning, we all went out to lunch with my mom and then they went swimming at her house for a while. I told Ewen that we were going out to go get Pizza for dinner and he said he would rather stay home and do nothing. He ended up reluctantly agreeing to go though and we met some of ours and his friends there...the friends that go to Waldorf schools and don't really play video games. But they were playing the card game, Magic, and Ewen was very interested in that. He asked if he could have some cards and I suddenly realized that this was an opportunity to get him away from the screen. So after pizza (and the kids playing hide and seek around the large property of the super fun restaurant), we went to Walmart and got him a starter box of Magic cards. When we came home, instead of going to his computer he sat down on his rug in his room and organized his Magic cards. I couldn't believe it. And when he went to bed, he read in bed for a while about how to play the game.
So today is Saturday and Ewen invited someone over from his class today and they played Minecraft most of the morning, then I took them and the girls over to my parent's house to swim. It was nice seeing Ewen have fun with a new friend. He is so picky about who he will hang out with because they have to have the same computer interest as he does. But tonight he asked if his old friends that we ate at the Pizza restaurant with, could all come over to play Magic The Gathering. I am friends with these kid's parents so I texted them and invited some of their boys over to my mom's house for lunch and a swim tomorrow. My mom is a saint. I checked with her first and she said OK and to let her know about what time so she can turn the pool heater on a couple of hours ahead of time. The girls will have fun too. They like hanging out with Ewen's friends.
Ewen didn't huff much during the day today but was doing a bit of huffing and saliva swishing tonight. At his Friday graduation he was very antsy in his seat. I looked at all the kids sitting there in their chairs as the principal and his teacher spoke in to the microphone to the parents. All the other kids looked so still and calm compared to him. I felt a bit worried about him. The speeches were fairly long and I thought about how it was good for him to just sit and deal, but I hoped it wasn't painful. He said later it was fine but I know he also says that sometimes to not deal with my questions or worry anymore.
Tonight I asked him if he was dealing with saliva in his mouth and he said a little bit. Then a weird look came over his face and he said, oh I remember when I used to get that all the time, that sucked...especially with my swallowing problem. I said that if he gets it now it won't be a big deal since he doesn't have the swallowing issues anymore. He agreed.
He wants me to go in there tonight and sit with him while he goes to sleep. But I'm feeling a bit irritated. I don't feel like it. I think he is going to have to go to sleep on his own tonight and I am going to rest and look at my instagram and play some phone Clash Royale (the game I originally learned so I would be able to have a conversation with him about something) but now he barely plays it anymore...and I'm left addicted to it!
On a side note, I have been taking Prozac for a few weeks now. It is pretty benign for me compared to Zoloft (which I took a few years ago on and off). Prozac gives me headaches whenever I put up the dosage and it also makes me jittery and a bit anxious, although he Buspar does a good job of overriding that. I'm hoping that at some point I can bring the Buspar dosage way down. I don't want to stop it completely because I'm thinking I may need it someday to come off the Prozac and I want my body to be used to it still at that time.
The Prozac is weird. I'm not sure how much I like it. It is a bit numbing. I like the fact that things aren't as big a deal as they were before. I can chill a bit. I can enjoy the good things because I'm not worrying about 10,000 other things that aren't relevant to the fun I'm supposed to be having. I am not nervous about hanging out with friends tomorrow and I wasn't nervous on Friday night at the Pizza restaurant. So those are very good things.
The most annoying thing is a very weird complaint. My yawns are not satisfying. You know when you have a nice big yawn and you feel better. Well after I yawn it feels like I didn't really yawn properly and I still need to. I know this seems minor but the extent of how irritating it is for me makes me seriously consider going off the Prozac. That is how much I hate not being able to have a good, relaxing yawn. I do like feeling less anxious about every tiny little thing. Everything is a bit numb, but not like with Zoloft. With Zoloft it was very numbing. Prozac just numbs a few things here and there. I do like feeling happiness though. It is peeking through these day and I very much like that.
So Friday morning at 10am we sat down in one of the rows of white chairs in the pretty courtyard of Ewen's school. The flowers were blooming everywhere and the weather was perfect. We were getting ready to watch Ewen's 5th grade graduation ceremony at his little private school that my parents were able to help send him to for the last couple of months of this school year. He still has 3 days of school left next week but they are pretty much gong to be "fun" days. After his graduation ceremony in the mid morning, we all went out to lunch with my mom and then they went swimming at her house for a while. I told Ewen that we were going out to go get Pizza for dinner and he said he would rather stay home and do nothing. He ended up reluctantly agreeing to go though and we met some of ours and his friends there...the friends that go to Waldorf schools and don't really play video games. But they were playing the card game, Magic, and Ewen was very interested in that. He asked if he could have some cards and I suddenly realized that this was an opportunity to get him away from the screen. So after pizza (and the kids playing hide and seek around the large property of the super fun restaurant), we went to Walmart and got him a starter box of Magic cards. When we came home, instead of going to his computer he sat down on his rug in his room and organized his Magic cards. I couldn't believe it. And when he went to bed, he read in bed for a while about how to play the game.
So today is Saturday and Ewen invited someone over from his class today and they played Minecraft most of the morning, then I took them and the girls over to my parent's house to swim. It was nice seeing Ewen have fun with a new friend. He is so picky about who he will hang out with because they have to have the same computer interest as he does. But tonight he asked if his old friends that we ate at the Pizza restaurant with, could all come over to play Magic The Gathering. I am friends with these kid's parents so I texted them and invited some of their boys over to my mom's house for lunch and a swim tomorrow. My mom is a saint. I checked with her first and she said OK and to let her know about what time so she can turn the pool heater on a couple of hours ahead of time. The girls will have fun too. They like hanging out with Ewen's friends.
Ewen didn't huff much during the day today but was doing a bit of huffing and saliva swishing tonight. At his Friday graduation he was very antsy in his seat. I looked at all the kids sitting there in their chairs as the principal and his teacher spoke in to the microphone to the parents. All the other kids looked so still and calm compared to him. I felt a bit worried about him. The speeches were fairly long and I thought about how it was good for him to just sit and deal, but I hoped it wasn't painful. He said later it was fine but I know he also says that sometimes to not deal with my questions or worry anymore.
Tonight I asked him if he was dealing with saliva in his mouth and he said a little bit. Then a weird look came over his face and he said, oh I remember when I used to get that all the time, that sucked...especially with my swallowing problem. I said that if he gets it now it won't be a big deal since he doesn't have the swallowing issues anymore. He agreed.
He wants me to go in there tonight and sit with him while he goes to sleep. But I'm feeling a bit irritated. I don't feel like it. I think he is going to have to go to sleep on his own tonight and I am going to rest and look at my instagram and play some phone Clash Royale (the game I originally learned so I would be able to have a conversation with him about something) but now he barely plays it anymore...and I'm left addicted to it!
On a side note, I have been taking Prozac for a few weeks now. It is pretty benign for me compared to Zoloft (which I took a few years ago on and off). Prozac gives me headaches whenever I put up the dosage and it also makes me jittery and a bit anxious, although he Buspar does a good job of overriding that. I'm hoping that at some point I can bring the Buspar dosage way down. I don't want to stop it completely because I'm thinking I may need it someday to come off the Prozac and I want my body to be used to it still at that time.
The Prozac is weird. I'm not sure how much I like it. It is a bit numbing. I like the fact that things aren't as big a deal as they were before. I can chill a bit. I can enjoy the good things because I'm not worrying about 10,000 other things that aren't relevant to the fun I'm supposed to be having. I am not nervous about hanging out with friends tomorrow and I wasn't nervous on Friday night at the Pizza restaurant. So those are very good things.
The most annoying thing is a very weird complaint. My yawns are not satisfying. You know when you have a nice big yawn and you feel better. Well after I yawn it feels like I didn't really yawn properly and I still need to. I know this seems minor but the extent of how irritating it is for me makes me seriously consider going off the Prozac. That is how much I hate not being able to have a good, relaxing yawn. I do like feeling less anxious about every tiny little thing. Everything is a bit numb, but not like with Zoloft. With Zoloft it was very numbing. Prozac just numbs a few things here and there. I do like feeling happiness though. It is peeking through these day and I very much like that.
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