10-Year-Old with Panic (PANS)

(4ml prozac) My boy is joyful again. He is happy and content and he can fall asleep at night by himself. He still has some mild tics but he barely huffs anymore and even his nose twitch was barely there today. He was like his old self, before all this started. I have not given him more antibiotics in the hopes that we can back off from them now. Yesterday the 5 of us went to the beach and a family that we didn't really know was there with some of our friends. A father that I had just met commented on Ewen who had been boogie boarding for the past hour and he said,"That kid really loves the water eh?" I thought to myself that it was only a few months ago that "that kid" thought he was going to drown in the bath and wouldn't even go out onto my parent's patio because it was too near the pool. He was even afraid of rain. But yesterday he was in the big waves of the ocean all day. Today he swam in the pool and played water soccer with a friend for 2 ...

(500 mg Zithromax, 4ml prozac, fish oil, 1 Advil) I gave Ewen his antibiotics at 7:30pm and within an hour he had a headache and a stomach ache. He was also watching a scary TV show which he he shouldn't have been since he is so sensitive and that might have triggered his ailments. It was about a kid his age who was kidnapped by some kind of monster so it was pretty bad...he stopped watching it. I massaged his head for him and he was fine within half an hour of taking an Advil. Yesterday he was twitchy going to bed and through the day today he huffed a bit. But tonight when he wasn't feeling well and I was massaging his head, he wasn't twitchy at all and I wonder if that was the Zithromax working...or if it doesn't work that fast. He had a nice day today hanging out with 2 of his soccer friends. They looked for Pokemon on their bikes but the server was down. So they played video games and I took them swimming at my parent's pool.  He had yet another good day. ...

(probiotics, 100mg b12, just under 4ml Prozac) It is 1:43 am. Everyone is asleep and I just finished watching a terrible movie on my phone. It is an old one, where the phones are still home phones and the characters go to video stores to rent DVD's. Then I took some Advil because I have been getting cluster headaches and random migraines for the past few days. So I will try to go to sleep after the Advil kicks in. Hopefully I won't need another migraine pill. Today Ewen played his 3v3 tournament and they won first place. They beat the state 3v3 champs apparently...which is good.  But I wasn't there. Mike was with him. It was 95 degrees out there and they played 6 games. Somehow Ewen survived and did well. Last night Ada woke up at 3am again and didn't even go back to sleep when I gave her another melatonin. So I was up with her for a few hours and she finally fell back asleep at about 7:30 am. Then she slept until 1:30 and had to be at her music camp show by 3pm....

(just under 4ml prozac, 1000mg b12) Today there was no huffing and very minimal twitching. He seemed pretty much like the old Ewen today. He can relax and chat, smiles and laughs all the time and he connects with his friends and loves to play Magic The Gathering with them. He didn't need constant screens today either. I never game him his Zithromax this past Tuesday so I am wondering if he is going to be OK without it. He seems to not feel well for the first two days after he takes the 500mg pill, then gets better by the 3rd. But maybe he doesn't need to take it anymore? I need to call his pediatrician and talk to her about it instead of just taking it all into my own hands. But so much of this is observation that it seems ok to make decisions for him. We don't want him to be on such strong antibiotics forever...but we don't want his progress to wane either. I think I will give him the next 500 mg pill on Sunday...after the tournament and then see how he is on Monday....

(Just under 4ml prozac) Ewen has been doing fantastic. He has been hanging out with my sister and her family and talking and engaging with them. He has gone in the pool several times at his own will. He fell asleep on his own tonight and said that he felt rested and happy to fall asleep. I love that. His facial tics ( new nose twitch too) were in full form tonight. But he didn't huff. Maybe he traded the huffing for the nose twitch. My oldest (age 13) is going to a girls indie music camp this week. It is from 9am-5pm and on Monday when I picked her at 5pm up she started sobbing in the car and said she didn't know why. She said she loved it  but it was too long. I guess it was too much because she had to socialize for 8 hours (she has autism) and that was a bit much for her. Then she cried while trying to go to sleep at bed time and cried again at 4am. She was so depressed that I had to sit up with her at 4 and I got out her old baby books like Goodnight Gorilla and Goodnigh...

(4ml prozac) Ewen had a good day. This morning he fairly reluctantly went to pick up soccer with Mike at the field near our house. I felt worried that I had encouraged him to go when he didn't want to. But when he returned with Mike he was drenched from head to toe with sweat and dirt and had the biggest smile on his face. He said he wrecked everyone and scored a hat trick. Mike nodded in agreement. This was just like the old Ewen, way overly confident and finding humor in telling us how great he was. He also disparages himself just as fiercely which makes the bragging bearable. I can't even describe the joy of seeing Ewen like that again after the agony of when he was basically in physical and mental pain after soccer practice and wanted to quit.  Also he was so broken he only put himself down for a long time. It's not like that now. He had a friend come over after soccer, who is spending the night right now. He is a great kid and they mesh well. I am not doing so ...

(Fish oil, probiotics, 4ml prozac, melatonin) Ewen did better today than the past two. He was just a little twitchy going to sleep and was able to hang out at Starbucks this afternoon without begging for a screen to look at. I told him I thought he had lost the ability to entertain himself so he said he was going to try. I told him last night that to go to sleep you have to be calm and let yourself think and then fall asleep. I said to make sure to keep Trash (what he calls his anxiety and OCD) out of it and he agreed. He still needs me to sit in there every night while he falls asleep. So I sit in his bean bag and play Clash Royal on my phone. Today he did well overall I think. I also wonder if it is because we are on the 3rd day after taking 500mg of Zithromax? He was huffing a bit today though, but not all day long and mostly when he was playing video games on his computer. I am still taking Prozac too and it makes me very sleepy. I could sleep all day. It is very hard to get ou...

Tuesday night - 500  mg Zithromax 4ml prozac, melatonin, fish oil, 1/2 magnesium, b12 1000mg Wednesday day, working hard to not be anxious all day, depressed at night. Wednesday night - 4ml prozac 1/4 of a 3mg melatonin, fish oil, b12 Today - Thursday...better than Wednesday but still dissatisfied and "addicted to fun" as he puts it...always needing to be entertained. I took his phone away when he wanted to play in the car. I didn't want him to go from his computer screen to his  phone screen and never be looking away. I worry when he feels like he has to distract himself all the time. After his first dose of Zithromax he was in bad shape the first two days then better by the 3rd. Tonight - 1/4 Clonodine (I wanted him to sleep better tonight after his depression and freak out last night).  fish oil. He is still awake. It is 10:40 and he fights going to sleep and he fights getting off the computer. I am still doing better on the Prozac but it makes me tired and...

(4ml prozac, less than 1/4 clonodine) The clonodine helped. It is hard to write in here tonight. Today is July 4th. It has been a very bad day. My youngest cried all day and listened to no one. She is 7. My oldest kept telling me she was depressed and Ewen said he was having anxiety again tonight and I gave him a clonodine for the first time in a long time. I forgot to get him his new prescription of Zithromax that he was supposed to start today. I looked up the supplement my Oldest is taking for her cycle, evening primrose oil. One of the side effects listed is depression. So even though it is helping her skin and hair, we are going to stop taking that. So tonight I feel like a bad parent. If I could just get up in the morning things would be better but I am very fatigued...throughout the day I am too. I will try drinking more coffee tomorrow. Maybe that will help. Today I am glad I take Prozac because it was one of those days that the whole family falls completely apart. I a...

( 4ml Prozac, fish oil, 1/2 magnesium, probiotics, 1mg melatonin) Today Ewen went to a birthday party a couple of hours from home and had a lot of fun. He hung out with his dad a lot today which is what he used to do before he got sick. When he got sick he completely switched from Mike to needing me 24/7. He was not interested in hanging out with Mike. Daddy was all about watching soccer, playing soccer, enjoying everything that Ewen was good at and going out and having fun. Mommy was there to make sure he was feeling OK. So he switched from Mike to me. I realized this morning as Mike got up early to get Ewen's soccer stuff together and go to the store to get a present for the party, that he was taking over his old role as Ewen's care taker. I like that because Ewen has to be so active all the time that I don't have time to spend with the girls. So if Mike focusses on Ewen with his crazy social life and activities, I can focus on the girls and everything else. It was re...