(4ml prozac)
My boy is joyful again. He is happy and content and he can fall asleep at night by himself. He still has some mild tics but he barely huffs anymore and even his nose twitch was barely there today. He was like his old self, before all this started. I have not given him more antibiotics in the hopes that we can back off from them now.
Yesterday the 5 of us went to the beach and a family that we didn't really know was there with some of our friends. A father that I had just met commented on Ewen who had been boogie boarding for the past hour and he said,"That kid really loves the water eh?"
I thought to myself that it was only a few months ago that "that kid" thought he was going to drown in the bath and wouldn't even go out onto my parent's patio because it was too near the pool. He was even afraid of rain.
But yesterday he was in the big waves of the ocean all day. Today he swam in the pool and played water soccer with a friend for 2 hours. It was a friend he wouldn't see when he was sick and for a long time afterwards. But he was fine to hang out with him today because he is happy again and can go with the flow. That is the kind of personality that has defined Ewen since he was a baby.
I wish I would have known on Christmas day, that by the middle of summer he would be FINE. That would have made it easier. But we don't know our futures, we can only work hard to try and make things better. I read once that life is the good part between tragedies. So now that we have the good part again I need to live my life again, not in fear but to get rid of "trash" (what Ewen calls anxiety) and to embrace normalcy. Fear became such a usual emotion that it feels like now I am the one who has to shed it and just live...like how Ewen is now. I am getting there. I count my blessings. I look at our tiny house and realize how lucky we are to have a roof over our heads and how beautiful our little house is. My kids are seriously hard work but they are amazing in a sparkly mind-blowing way so it is worth it. Mike and I always find our way back to each other when we get lost and I am so grateful to have my son back. I optimistically described this blog from day one, as the story of our journey back to some sort of happy normalcy. I didn't actually know if we would ever get there. But we did, and Ewen lead the way. I know many people loose their kids to illness and tragedy. But we got Ewen back. It isn't lost on me how fortunate we are. I am the luckiest mother on the planet because Ewen is finally Ok.
My boy is joyful again. He is happy and content and he can fall asleep at night by himself. He still has some mild tics but he barely huffs anymore and even his nose twitch was barely there today. He was like his old self, before all this started. I have not given him more antibiotics in the hopes that we can back off from them now.
Yesterday the 5 of us went to the beach and a family that we didn't really know was there with some of our friends. A father that I had just met commented on Ewen who had been boogie boarding for the past hour and he said,"That kid really loves the water eh?"
I thought to myself that it was only a few months ago that "that kid" thought he was going to drown in the bath and wouldn't even go out onto my parent's patio because it was too near the pool. He was even afraid of rain.
But yesterday he was in the big waves of the ocean all day. Today he swam in the pool and played water soccer with a friend for 2 hours. It was a friend he wouldn't see when he was sick and for a long time afterwards. But he was fine to hang out with him today because he is happy again and can go with the flow. That is the kind of personality that has defined Ewen since he was a baby.
I wish I would have known on Christmas day, that by the middle of summer he would be FINE. That would have made it easier. But we don't know our futures, we can only work hard to try and make things better. I read once that life is the good part between tragedies. So now that we have the good part again I need to live my life again, not in fear but to get rid of "trash" (what Ewen calls anxiety) and to embrace normalcy. Fear became such a usual emotion that it feels like now I am the one who has to shed it and just live...like how Ewen is now. I am getting there. I count my blessings. I look at our tiny house and realize how lucky we are to have a roof over our heads and how beautiful our little house is. My kids are seriously hard work but they are amazing in a sparkly mind-blowing way so it is worth it. Mike and I always find our way back to each other when we get lost and I am so grateful to have my son back. I optimistically described this blog from day one, as the story of our journey back to some sort of happy normalcy. I didn't actually know if we would ever get there. But we did, and Ewen lead the way. I know many people loose their kids to illness and tragedy. But we got Ewen back. It isn't lost on me how fortunate we are. I am the luckiest mother on the planet because Ewen is finally Ok.
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