(4ml prozac)
Ewen had a good day. This morning he fairly reluctantly went to pick up soccer with Mike at the field near our house. I felt worried that I had encouraged him to go when he didn't want to. But when he returned with Mike he was drenched from head to toe with sweat and dirt and had the biggest smile on his face. He said he wrecked everyone and scored a hat trick. Mike nodded in agreement. This was just like the old Ewen, way overly confident and finding humor in telling us how great he was. He also disparages himself just as fiercely which makes the bragging bearable.
I can't even describe the joy of seeing Ewen like that again after the agony of when he was basically in physical and mental pain after soccer practice and wanted to quit. Also he was so broken he only put himself down for a long time. It's not like that now.
He had a friend come over after soccer, who is spending the night right now. He is a great kid and they mesh well.
I am not doing so well. I get tired after being awake for a few hours. Then I have to sleep for a while and then I can function again. Nothing seems to help this, not coffee or Wellbutrin. It might because of the prozac I am taking or the antibiotics or a combination of both. I still have almost 2 weeks left of taking antibiotics. I'm not going to be alarmed about my exhaustion until I have finished with the antibiotics (for my scalp dermatitis). It is weird to be so damn tired though and it makes me fearful of having to do a full days work since I have to sleep so urgently.
I will be working full time in two weeks, to do a project filming bugs through a microscope for a week then we will edit for the next 6 months. I need to hire our old intern to help with editing but they don't pay us until the end and we have no money sooooo.... not sure what we are going to do there.
Mike applied for a new job where he would make a crap ton of money. But 150 people applied for it so it isn't likely he will get it. He made the first cut though which is good. He would make enough that I could stop filming weddings and do my dream, which is to make social skills videos for children and teens with autism.
I read some organizing books tonight. As I sit here typing I have a pile of clean laundry on the foot of the bed. It is so boring to put laundry away all the time, I can't bare it. So sometimes it sits ignored on the bed all afternoon and tonight it is still there. In the morning it will probably be on the floor and I will put it all back on the bed then hopefully put it all away.
Tomorrow I am going discard stuff again. I'm trying to get rid of so much stuff that there is nothing left to tidy. I have some shoes I need to lovingly say goodbye to. I've been discarding a lot lately. Goodwill is making out like a bandit with all the stuff I am giving them. I also put some nice items out front of the house (a pink chair, an unopened box with a yoga ball in it and a nice yoga mat) with a "free" sign and it was all gone within half an hour (not too unusual for this neighborhood...which I love by the way).
If I wasn't backed up with editing, I would totally reorganize all of our stuff. I'd pull the closets to bits and throw all the crap away. Two nights ago I reorganized the medicine cabinet. Oh my God our medicine cabinet is like nothing you have ever seen. It is a whole cabinet in the kitchen. I discarded a ton of old medicine, organized the rest into little baskets for each family member (Mike didn't need one). And I saved some too...get this...want to hear my neurosis? I save medication incase there is an apocalypse and we will need something valuable to trade for food. There I wrote it. I know that is crazy but I think it is kind of smart too. Really what would probably happen is someone would hold us at gunpoint and take it all and we would starve anyway. But maybe not.
Ok so, I don't really think that an apocalypse is going to happen. But I'm sure the Jews in Germany didn't think they were going to be sent off to die in concentration camps either. I know that is "Trash" getting to me. But still, it is a weird comfort to know our stash is there. The children have also been strictly warned that they need to stay far away from medicine or they will have to get their stomach pumped like Daddy did when he was 3 and ate a bottle of Flintstones vitamins. I put the fear of death in them about taking medicine they shouldn't.
I try not to frighten them about anything else though, especially after Ewen's breakdown. I can't believe he had to go through that. Anyway, he is doing fantastic now and Mike and I are still healing. One day I will be able to stay awake a full day and go to sleep at night. And maybe Mike will get this job so we can get through without putting groceries on the credit card.
My sister will be in town tomorrow, Yay!!!! She is visiting from Brooklyn with her husband and 3 year old. This is a good summer.
My final thought is that I have been saying prayers with my girls when they go to sleep at night. I tell them that my God is the earth and the stars and the trees and flowers and nature and everything good in the world. They love hearing my prayers, first asking for what we need, then thanking God for what we have and listing our blessings. And I love hearing their prayers which seem to closely mimic mine.
OK. Goodnight.
Ewen had a good day. This morning he fairly reluctantly went to pick up soccer with Mike at the field near our house. I felt worried that I had encouraged him to go when he didn't want to. But when he returned with Mike he was drenched from head to toe with sweat and dirt and had the biggest smile on his face. He said he wrecked everyone and scored a hat trick. Mike nodded in agreement. This was just like the old Ewen, way overly confident and finding humor in telling us how great he was. He also disparages himself just as fiercely which makes the bragging bearable.
I can't even describe the joy of seeing Ewen like that again after the agony of when he was basically in physical and mental pain after soccer practice and wanted to quit. Also he was so broken he only put himself down for a long time. It's not like that now.
He had a friend come over after soccer, who is spending the night right now. He is a great kid and they mesh well.
I am not doing so well. I get tired after being awake for a few hours. Then I have to sleep for a while and then I can function again. Nothing seems to help this, not coffee or Wellbutrin. It might because of the prozac I am taking or the antibiotics or a combination of both. I still have almost 2 weeks left of taking antibiotics. I'm not going to be alarmed about my exhaustion until I have finished with the antibiotics (for my scalp dermatitis). It is weird to be so damn tired though and it makes me fearful of having to do a full days work since I have to sleep so urgently.
I will be working full time in two weeks, to do a project filming bugs through a microscope for a week then we will edit for the next 6 months. I need to hire our old intern to help with editing but they don't pay us until the end and we have no money sooooo.... not sure what we are going to do there.
Mike applied for a new job where he would make a crap ton of money. But 150 people applied for it so it isn't likely he will get it. He made the first cut though which is good. He would make enough that I could stop filming weddings and do my dream, which is to make social skills videos for children and teens with autism.
I read some organizing books tonight. As I sit here typing I have a pile of clean laundry on the foot of the bed. It is so boring to put laundry away all the time, I can't bare it. So sometimes it sits ignored on the bed all afternoon and tonight it is still there. In the morning it will probably be on the floor and I will put it all back on the bed then hopefully put it all away.
Tomorrow I am going discard stuff again. I'm trying to get rid of so much stuff that there is nothing left to tidy. I have some shoes I need to lovingly say goodbye to. I've been discarding a lot lately. Goodwill is making out like a bandit with all the stuff I am giving them. I also put some nice items out front of the house (a pink chair, an unopened box with a yoga ball in it and a nice yoga mat) with a "free" sign and it was all gone within half an hour (not too unusual for this neighborhood...which I love by the way).
If I wasn't backed up with editing, I would totally reorganize all of our stuff. I'd pull the closets to bits and throw all the crap away. Two nights ago I reorganized the medicine cabinet. Oh my God our medicine cabinet is like nothing you have ever seen. It is a whole cabinet in the kitchen. I discarded a ton of old medicine, organized the rest into little baskets for each family member (Mike didn't need one). And I saved some too...get this...want to hear my neurosis? I save medication incase there is an apocalypse and we will need something valuable to trade for food. There I wrote it. I know that is crazy but I think it is kind of smart too. Really what would probably happen is someone would hold us at gunpoint and take it all and we would starve anyway. But maybe not.
Ok so, I don't really think that an apocalypse is going to happen. But I'm sure the Jews in Germany didn't think they were going to be sent off to die in concentration camps either. I know that is "Trash" getting to me. But still, it is a weird comfort to know our stash is there. The children have also been strictly warned that they need to stay far away from medicine or they will have to get their stomach pumped like Daddy did when he was 3 and ate a bottle of Flintstones vitamins. I put the fear of death in them about taking medicine they shouldn't.
I try not to frighten them about anything else though, especially after Ewen's breakdown. I can't believe he had to go through that. Anyway, he is doing fantastic now and Mike and I are still healing. One day I will be able to stay awake a full day and go to sleep at night. And maybe Mike will get this job so we can get through without putting groceries on the credit card.
My sister will be in town tomorrow, Yay!!!! She is visiting from Brooklyn with her husband and 3 year old. This is a good summer.
My final thought is that I have been saying prayers with my girls when they go to sleep at night. I tell them that my God is the earth and the stars and the trees and flowers and nature and everything good in the world. They love hearing my prayers, first asking for what we need, then thanking God for what we have and listing our blessings. And I love hearing their prayers which seem to closely mimic mine.
OK. Goodnight.
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