(probiotics, 100mg b12, just under 4ml Prozac)
It is 1:43 am. Everyone is asleep and I just finished watching a terrible movie on my phone. It is an old one, where the phones are still home phones and the characters go to video stores to rent DVD's.
Then I took some Advil because I have been getting cluster headaches and random migraines for the past few days. So I will try to go to sleep after the Advil kicks in. Hopefully I won't need another migraine pill.
Today Ewen played his 3v3 tournament and they won first place. They beat the state 3v3 champs apparently...which is good. But I wasn't there. Mike was with him. It was 95 degrees out there and they played 6 games. Somehow Ewen survived and did well.
Last night Ada woke up at 3am again and didn't even go back to sleep when I gave her another melatonin. So I was up with her for a few hours and she finally fell back asleep at about 7:30 am. Then she slept until 1:30 and had to be at her music camp show by 3pm. She took a shower and washed her hair, but it still wasn't clean. She doesn't dig her fingernails in there and scrub her scalp and get rid of the grease and dirt. So she agreed to let me wash her hair in the sink. With clean hair she looked beautiful. I put some makeup on her and she announced after looking in the mirror, that she looked like a super model.
So today my son was the champion at his 3v3 tournament and my daughter got up and rocked the keyboard in her band, even though she has autism.
So sometimes when I have headaches and I'm not calling people back who want a wedding video because I can't stand editing one more, and I wonder if my anxiety and depression will ever completely go away...there are some sparks. It doesn't feel that amazing. Right now I just feel pain in the side of my face. But I know it is amazing and I know I did the right thing by letting Ewen go to his tournament even though I was scared to let him, and by keeping Ada going to her music camp so that she could finish what she started and accomplish something huge. She was so happy performing on stage today and everyone went nuts with applause when they were done. She plays the Sims video game all the time but this week she had a real adventure with real live people where she was the star of her own life. She got to play in a rock band on stage rather than just give her Sims all the fun. She was OK with the noise, but she went inside her own head a lot and did lots of talking to herself and dancing around with some unknown person. But her band mates are totally fine with Ada's oddities and the sweetest and kindest girls on the planet.
Ewen was very jerky going to sleep tonight. I will give him his antibiotics tomorrow. He said his muscles were sore from basically running his fastest all day long in the crazy heat. I am so proud of him and of Ada. My youngest though is still having bad anxiety problems. I need to work on her now...and myself. I need to get up somehow tomorrow and clean the house which gets messy pretty much a couple of house after I clean it. It almost seems a waste to clean when you just have to do it again...all the time.
I don't know if my Prozac is making me despondent or if my depression is. But regardless, my kids did some amazing things today and I had something to do with that. So I suppose I'm proud of myself too.
It is 1:43 am. Everyone is asleep and I just finished watching a terrible movie on my phone. It is an old one, where the phones are still home phones and the characters go to video stores to rent DVD's.
Then I took some Advil because I have been getting cluster headaches and random migraines for the past few days. So I will try to go to sleep after the Advil kicks in. Hopefully I won't need another migraine pill.
Today Ewen played his 3v3 tournament and they won first place. They beat the state 3v3 champs apparently...which is good. But I wasn't there. Mike was with him. It was 95 degrees out there and they played 6 games. Somehow Ewen survived and did well.
Last night Ada woke up at 3am again and didn't even go back to sleep when I gave her another melatonin. So I was up with her for a few hours and she finally fell back asleep at about 7:30 am. Then she slept until 1:30 and had to be at her music camp show by 3pm. She took a shower and washed her hair, but it still wasn't clean. She doesn't dig her fingernails in there and scrub her scalp and get rid of the grease and dirt. So she agreed to let me wash her hair in the sink. With clean hair she looked beautiful. I put some makeup on her and she announced after looking in the mirror, that she looked like a super model.
So today my son was the champion at his 3v3 tournament and my daughter got up and rocked the keyboard in her band, even though she has autism.
So sometimes when I have headaches and I'm not calling people back who want a wedding video because I can't stand editing one more, and I wonder if my anxiety and depression will ever completely go away...there are some sparks. It doesn't feel that amazing. Right now I just feel pain in the side of my face. But I know it is amazing and I know I did the right thing by letting Ewen go to his tournament even though I was scared to let him, and by keeping Ada going to her music camp so that she could finish what she started and accomplish something huge. She was so happy performing on stage today and everyone went nuts with applause when they were done. She plays the Sims video game all the time but this week she had a real adventure with real live people where she was the star of her own life. She got to play in a rock band on stage rather than just give her Sims all the fun. She was OK with the noise, but she went inside her own head a lot and did lots of talking to herself and dancing around with some unknown person. But her band mates are totally fine with Ada's oddities and the sweetest and kindest girls on the planet.
Ewen was very jerky going to sleep tonight. I will give him his antibiotics tomorrow. He said his muscles were sore from basically running his fastest all day long in the crazy heat. I am so proud of him and of Ada. My youngest though is still having bad anxiety problems. I need to work on her now...and myself. I need to get up somehow tomorrow and clean the house which gets messy pretty much a couple of house after I clean it. It almost seems a waste to clean when you just have to do it again...all the time.
I don't know if my Prozac is making me despondent or if my depression is. But regardless, my kids did some amazing things today and I had something to do with that. So I suppose I'm proud of myself too.
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