It feels like he is going through utter hell when he is trying to fall asleep. He feels wired and tired and he is twitching and huffing. He is mess and it it painful to watch. It takes him an hour to fall asleep and tonight I sat with him. I had to take an ativan to help him through it calmly with humor and to hide any worry.
But the truth is I am devastated to see him like this. Even after he falls asleep, his whole body twitches and jerks. It doesn't seem right.
So after Ewen was finally asleep I went to the couch and asked DH what he thought we should do and that we need a plan. We are at 4.2ml's of Prozac and he said we should just bring it down until he feels anxious again...or doesn't. I'm not sure about that exactly but he is right that we need to bring it down again. Tonight Ewen also took a little more than1/4 guanfacine and he said he thought that made him feel awful and wired and tired. I think it increases his anxiety a bit. That should stop in a couple of weeks. I feel like that we need to keep with that stuff but not give more than 1/4 at night.
I wish I could just hold him and give him back his confidence and health and happiness and his ability to relax and fall asleep. I'm worried I'm missing an illness that is worse than anxiety, when I see him jerking and twitching like he does when he is going to sleep. He buries his head in his hands in despair and kicks his legs and huffs and huffs and writhes around and flexes his muscles in his hands and feet. It is so awful to watch him do all this for so long before he finally stops huffing and drops off. When he falls asleep he does a big jerk. Then later he does some more jerks. He has always jerked a bit when he falls asleep, but nothing like tonight which was every 3 minutes or so he was convulsing a bit.
I want peace and relaxation for him. I want us both to be able to forget about the medication and just live.
But the truth is I am devastated to see him like this. Even after he falls asleep, his whole body twitches and jerks. It doesn't seem right.
So after Ewen was finally asleep I went to the couch and asked DH what he thought we should do and that we need a plan. We are at 4.2ml's of Prozac and he said we should just bring it down until he feels anxious again...or doesn't. I'm not sure about that exactly but he is right that we need to bring it down again. Tonight Ewen also took a little more than1/4 guanfacine and he said he thought that made him feel awful and wired and tired. I think it increases his anxiety a bit. That should stop in a couple of weeks. I feel like that we need to keep with that stuff but not give more than 1/4 at night.
I wish I could just hold him and give him back his confidence and health and happiness and his ability to relax and fall asleep. I'm worried I'm missing an illness that is worse than anxiety, when I see him jerking and twitching like he does when he is going to sleep. He buries his head in his hands in despair and kicks his legs and huffs and huffs and writhes around and flexes his muscles in his hands and feet. It is so awful to watch him do all this for so long before he finally stops huffing and drops off. When he falls asleep he does a big jerk. Then later he does some more jerks. He has always jerked a bit when he falls asleep, but nothing like tonight which was every 3 minutes or so he was convulsing a bit.
I want peace and relaxation for him. I want us both to be able to forget about the medication and just live.
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