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How This Affects Me



It is Monday afternoon, 1:40 pm. Amira is home with me today since her tutor's daughter is sick. But Ewen is at his first day of his new school. I was so nervous dropping him off but it is nice to see him to the classroom and to leave him sitting, working at his desk.

Amira and I did the bike ride that Ewen and I usually do together. We rode around the historical neighborhood and dreamed of living in one of the mansions. Amira kept saying they were all haunted which kind of put a damper on the whole thing. But there was one that was just renovated, painted a tangerine color with a tin roof and an inlaw unit over the double garage with doors that looked like barn doors. It made me want to do something remarkable to make a lot of money!! We had lunch in the gardens of the public mansion in the middle of the neighborhood. It was very calm to be with Amira. Ewen is much more like a buzzing bee.

So I got an email from my 6-year-old's teacher saying that from now on, parents have to drop their children off outside of the building. This email made me realize suddenly just how traumatic everything has been with Ewen because I found myself in tears, so fearful of increasing her anxiety at school when everything had been just balanced Ok for her so far. Now this could set things off balance. I wouldn't be able to watch her go to her seat in the morning and sit down and start her work. Now I wouldn't have that comforting picture in my head that I take with me every day, that she is happy and secure at her desk

My strong emotions surprised me...so much anger that her days might suddenly start getting worse over one small new rule. It made me so tired, so worried, and  I felt such frustration with the teacher...couldn't she just leave well-enough alone?

Anyway, I know that parenting Ewen's anxiety/panic disorder has been a bit much, but today it struck me just how traumatic his has been and I let myself feel it so that I could heal.

Email to the teacher:

Dear Miss Lisa,
One of my favorite things about the school is that if the kids need something individual, it is generally worked out to their specific needs. I do think this is one small thing Julia needs an individual and I disagree that a teacher can't do something for one person and not everybody else, because not everybody needs the same thing. I will see if she's OK with being dropped off outside, and Mike seems to do OK with that so maybe I'll have him bring her more often in the morning. But if she starts to get upset, that is not how I want to start the day and I will bring her in. I've already dealt a lot this year with a child having too much anxiety. I am a little shellshocked by at all and would appreciate a little leverage in this area. I don't think we ask for much with Julia and asking to walk in the door seems pretty minor, especially since it is never been a problem in the past.  





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