(Week 12 of Prozac, 3.7 ml's given at 4pm)
Ewen is still dealing with agonizing tics while trying to fall asleep. I am slowly bringing his prozac down from 4ml's. We are at 3.7 now. We stopped giving him the guanfacine at night 2 days ago and it helped a little. But watching him tonight, stick his butt in the air and bury his face in his hands in his pillow and huff and huff, then kick around and ask me to sit on his legs so they stop moving then kick the air over and over while flexing his foot muscles repeatedly... huffing every second or more...for me is is exhausting to watch but he wants me there, in the comfy chair next to his bed. And I feel like if he is suffering through all this then I need to suffer through it with him since I am responsible, and must not turn a blind eye to what is going on. When he is finally asleep I feel a rage that I don't know what to do about this. It is all still better than when he couldn't go to sleep because he was so anxious because now at least he is not in pain. But the discomfort is outrageous. I finally had to leave the room tonight because I couldn't bare to look at it anymore. He went to sleep shortly afterwards.
During the day he huffs and tics but he is in good spirits. He does well at school then comes home to his safe place, his computer where he plays agar.io and talks to kids from all over the world on Skype. I hearing him ordering everyone around...go left, top right! Pop split, 3...2....1...go!!
So my despair at his condition is dissipated during the day because he can go to school and laugh and smile and do his homework. Then I'm shocked again at night at how bad it is when he tries to actually relax.
If we try the guanfacine again, maybe it will work again but what is the point if we are doing prozac to get him out of his anxiety and depression, then the medicine designed to cover up the tics from the prozac makes him depressed?
So the plan now is to keep brining down the prozac and to possibly start him on the guanfacine again and see if the depression goes away after a couple of weeks...which sounds bad. But if it does, and if we have a happy kid with no tics, that would be wonderful. Hopes keep getting dashed though.
I wish we could just stop the prozac but I don't want to go back to where we were in the beginning. Even though these tics are horrible they are still better than the hell he went through before the prozac started working. BTW, I've gone off the Buspar idea because I read something else that like other serotonin drugs, it can cause involuntary movements as a rare side effect.
On side note, my therapist keeps cancelling our appointments and I started to get the message that she doesn't want to see me anymore. I think that I stress her out too much with this stuff! So I just told her that I wasn't going to be coming weekly anymore and I would call her if I need a random appt. She said that her heart was with me and Ewen. (This was all done through text).
Mike finds it hard to see me struggle as well as Ewen. He tends to shut down when it all gets a bit much. But he is our rock and I am so grateful for his steady calmness. Our 13-year-old with autism is doing fantastic on Buspar. It has been about 7 weeks now and I am so grateful that one of my kids is doing really well. She is no longer anxious all the time and goes to sleep much better at night.
sigh.
Ewen is still dealing with agonizing tics while trying to fall asleep. I am slowly bringing his prozac down from 4ml's. We are at 3.7 now. We stopped giving him the guanfacine at night 2 days ago and it helped a little. But watching him tonight, stick his butt in the air and bury his face in his hands in his pillow and huff and huff, then kick around and ask me to sit on his legs so they stop moving then kick the air over and over while flexing his foot muscles repeatedly... huffing every second or more...for me is is exhausting to watch but he wants me there, in the comfy chair next to his bed. And I feel like if he is suffering through all this then I need to suffer through it with him since I am responsible, and must not turn a blind eye to what is going on. When he is finally asleep I feel a rage that I don't know what to do about this. It is all still better than when he couldn't go to sleep because he was so anxious because now at least he is not in pain. But the discomfort is outrageous. I finally had to leave the room tonight because I couldn't bare to look at it anymore. He went to sleep shortly afterwards.
During the day he huffs and tics but he is in good spirits. He does well at school then comes home to his safe place, his computer where he plays agar.io and talks to kids from all over the world on Skype. I hearing him ordering everyone around...go left, top right! Pop split, 3...2....1...go!!
So my despair at his condition is dissipated during the day because he can go to school and laugh and smile and do his homework. Then I'm shocked again at night at how bad it is when he tries to actually relax.
If we try the guanfacine again, maybe it will work again but what is the point if we are doing prozac to get him out of his anxiety and depression, then the medicine designed to cover up the tics from the prozac makes him depressed?
So the plan now is to keep brining down the prozac and to possibly start him on the guanfacine again and see if the depression goes away after a couple of weeks...which sounds bad. But if it does, and if we have a happy kid with no tics, that would be wonderful. Hopes keep getting dashed though.
I wish we could just stop the prozac but I don't want to go back to where we were in the beginning. Even though these tics are horrible they are still better than the hell he went through before the prozac started working. BTW, I've gone off the Buspar idea because I read something else that like other serotonin drugs, it can cause involuntary movements as a rare side effect.
On side note, my therapist keeps cancelling our appointments and I started to get the message that she doesn't want to see me anymore. I think that I stress her out too much with this stuff! So I just told her that I wasn't going to be coming weekly anymore and I would call her if I need a random appt. She said that her heart was with me and Ewen. (This was all done through text).
Mike finds it hard to see me struggle as well as Ewen. He tends to shut down when it all gets a bit much. But he is our rock and I am so grateful for his steady calmness. Our 13-year-old with autism is doing fantastic on Buspar. It has been about 7 weeks now and I am so grateful that one of my kids is doing really well. She is no longer anxious all the time and goes to sleep much better at night.
sigh.
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